piscespixies

[Growing Up - Run River North] Do you see that infinite white line on the side of the road? It reminds me of something similar to everything that is in life; family, friends, love. I think... As you grow older, you will start taking notice of things, the bigger picture if you please -- it's funny.  Why is it funny? Because before, we tend to ignore the bigger picture nor the little things -- the more you age and experience the never-ending sorrows that life brings, you would much rather look at the silver lining as oppose to...

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I'm getting bad again and I'm scared what I might do. I'm getting bad again and I'm scared what I might do. ...

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2nd July 2014, Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd Everywhere I go, every little step that my shaking legs able to take, all I hear is noise and all I see is people.. not just them in general; the judgments in their eyes; the way their smiles fade instantly into a straight line and they just.. stare at me, they stare--observing in disgust. This is why I chose not to go out to face the cruelty of the world, reality has hit me harder than my uncle's old piano that fell off upstairs' window and accidentally knocked out poor...

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17th October 2015, All Apologies by Nirvana Here I am, soaking in the storm at the secluded part of the beach with my close friends. I couldn’t feel the cold although it’s freezing. Living in the moment would probably be a passable phrase to use at this point. I have been in a storm and no matter how many laughs I made or people I hang out with, they can never take over the level of desolation in me. “My gut says something’s about to end, do you feel it too? ” I asked Anni while staring into...

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[Watching The Storm - U137] To me, love is an omen. Good or evil -- but evil seems more suitable based on my past experiences. Blessed with a curious mind, and the ability to charm. Cursed with not knowing how to love, being highly emotional  and my impracticality. Flaws  combined with dark thoughts  cloud my sense of perseverance. It's okay. I don't know where this is heading, but loving one's self  is more liberating  than loving another. I love myself enough, to know what I deserve. Do you? ...

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[Nothing Arrived - Villagers] Broken Lights & Snapping Knees There are things you can't see but glimmers in the night sky From places; beyond where we stand, beyond this location tells us that it exists Broken lights with broken hearts linger in uncut grass makes this place look cultural Twisted ankles and falling Gravity doesn't fool people like us Pull yourself together We can be infinite in time and time will tell Questions unanswered we wander off to not be bothered You think you know what we are You shaped us to being something we aren't The sky...

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melt my heart and warm soul, i love you Toro y Moi. ...

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[Hiding Tonight - Alex Turner] I I am constructed by a cosmic dust, the leftovers of the Big Bang.  I am the constellation of things you want to put away, the bitter memories you had of me, you couldn't wait. I am the moon hiding behind the dark clouds,petrified by the pass of daylight, but still willing to brighten up the night. I am a universal mess, whatever you are, wherever you may be, your mess is mine. ...

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[Wonderwall - Oasis] I know, I know, the song is overrated for some people, but it is more of an 'old but gold' kind of thing for me, especially in my current state.  A dear friend of mine was kind enough to have mentioned me in his blog. He was tagged to do a 'Blogger Interview' which I find quite interesting as it is one of the ways for viewers to know more about who we are and our intentions (not that we haven't showcased it enough in our blogs itself, but yknow what I mean).  Without further...

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Rabbit Hole "I am Alice. I have been walking aimlessly in search of happiness and love, possibly freedom as well. I came across this enchanting rabbit whose fur is as pale as my skin. He is very persuasive, manipulative too, He told me he could fulfill my wishes if I would join him for an exciting adventure. He promised he will show the colours in the world.  I was invited to his universe, oh how beautiful it was. I had fun, I did. But lately, I am always left alone and lost in the rabbit hole." The rabbit...

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Blue Moon Girl "I am scared... I am terrified," she said repeatedly. "It feels like I am staying still in the big ocean, letting the huge tide take over and swallow me whole." "Everyday, I have the need to carry this heavy weight on my shoulders and chest even if I know the other person doesn't feel the same way as I do... Everyday. What am I doing to myself? These imaginary bricks are stacking day by day and they are getting heavier -- I am in pain, can't you see it? Help me... Help me." She who...

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Garden/ˈɡɑːd(ə)n/ Flowers from the past bloomed as he passed by. I forgot what you said, but I remember how you made me feel. The flowers wilted, you didn’t take good care of them. You left me, dried and unattended. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you” I said hand on my chest, coping with the pain. “I love you, I love you… I loved you” was my intention because you made the garden, you made the flowers grow, and you put colours in my life, even if you had to go. ...

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Yesterday was a mixture of excitement and all kinds of things. This is going to be one of those posts where I won't say much. I will upload a couple of photos I took late Saturday afternoon while roaming around Bandar with close friends. It was by far the best birthday I had despite the ups and downs my friends and I encountered in the a.m. ...

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[Honey, It's Alright - Gregory Alan Isakov] I cannot explain the words to you, but it feels right. It has been a tedious drive to get to where I am now, where we are. A month is long enough for you to know who I truly am, is it good enough to know who you are? A month of laughter, patience, lust, arguments and jealousy. How do you see me now? I am growing old,  am I still the same? What do I see in you? I see myself. Bad past written all over the walls in the...

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I cannot seem to sleep well these days. Overthinking is a bad habit that I couldn't change instantly, it takes time. I was prescribed with clonazepam, yet again. Taking one would show I am weak, I don't want to disappoint myself but it will shut the noises in my head and make me sleep soundly. Anyway, I found a band on Soundcloud and their music is quite good. They're called Tropic of Youth. As I close my eyes and sink into their music, I couldn't help but just drown in an ocean deep of indie goodness. I love...

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It is close to 7am on a rainy Thursday morning. To match the gloomy weather, here is a band that dearest Shasha reposted on Soundcloud. You can always trust her music choices, she has a gift when it comes to this.  The Japanese House has a subtle The 1975 vibe and it is incredibly chilled for its own good. To say that I am in love is an understatement.  "...but you know I still wake up with you every morning like we're still dead" ...

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I was awakened by an explosion of sound at 4am. Could've sworn I would wake up with a heart attack if that's going to happen any time soon without me knowing beforehand (through lightning). It has been raining -- both outside and inside. You see, I don't really have anything to cry about, there's nothing. Sometimes the human body gets too exhausted because of our daily activities and it needs a break -- I need a break or else I will have a breakdown but I like it, I enjoy it. I love what I am currently doing...

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Ignore the exaggeration up there. I made a cover of Robbers only because of what has happened within this week.  This is the only platform where I can talk about myself without feeling the need to apologise for doing so. I am trying my best to refrain from talking about this particular topic because I know it is annoying and I know people are tired of hearing about my stories. I have therapy tomorrow and I honestly thought I would be fine by now. I am numb and lost. Can't you hear my cry for help? No? It...

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[Robbers - The 1975] Whispers in my head told you to stay,  stay. Strangers in the dark coexisted, funny how life works. Beautiful brains like yours belong somewhere extravagant, exhilarating yet familiar. Constant cravings for something intense and passionate. You let your words out without any hesitation and it is admirable. It doesn't have to end now unless you let it. Cowardly actions are despised by people like me, but who am I to say when I myself am a cowardly lioness. Time chases you despite how fast you run, it is okay to stay still. Breathe Revolving...

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Hey guys! This post will be short and slightly cheesy, for me that is.  You know how some people were born to seek for love and affection and others chose their goals over love? I think I was meant to be the latter. After tons and tons of heartbreaks and bad timings, I have realized that it has always been my goals. Maybe I was too emotionally and mentally involved with achieving my goals to let myself fall for another 'perfect' human being. I was given the chance to, but I just didn't know how.   My life has...

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I have been quite busy today and I loved every minute of it as I needed a productive distraction. Mims was given an opportunity to film a piece for Collective Arts in a rustic boutique in Kiulap, L'Orient, and he was kind enough to invite me to come along and help. I will post a few photos of the activity. It was worth it, I had fun -- I am thankful. (photos were taken by yours truly) ...

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[But I Do - Now, Now] I am currently in between tables in my office, hiding in the dark attempting to avoid the true darkness that is about to resurface.  I am terrified. A year ago, the constant reminder that I gave myself was "it's okay to not be strong. Sometimes a person can hold this much" But at the moment, I am forcing myself to fight it. I need to be strong for myself and everyone else. I have to. The obligation to keep your sanity on neutral mode is pressurized by society and the people who...

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I wrote something back in April. It was the 11th week of school and I felt lost. Week 11 What is it like to surround yourself with people who rarely care that you're there? They won't notice you didn't attend class or even if you are sitting in front of them. Your words are like vapour and you, yourself are merely a crack on the sidewalk.  Some who are lucky enough would consider you as a paradox -- a walking paradox. But some aren't as lucky.  Some would simply think you're a dust that they could just wave...

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[New York - Urban Cone] These are the years life tests your strength and commitment. This is the year where people who changed you leave to make a better version of themselves. This will be the year where you discover who you are.  I feel a little melancholy but I guess that has become a norm. I feel out of place I don't know where I stand. I feel too much I know, and I won't apologise. I want to leave this place so I can find where I belong, a place where I can call home. This...

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Sometimes you can't force yourself to be all sunshine and rainbows when the dark is stronger than you are.  I think I am slowly losing it. I don't have anything to say lately besides the usual girl talk with mims and Shasha. I still crave for an intellectual conversation where two parties can learn more from each other -- be it about politics, conspiracy theories or even a fucking band.  These are merely distractions though... Distractions from the real core problem which is my own thoughts. I was told that I tend to make a big deal out...

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Hey guys! I apologise for my absence as I've been busy bcs of the internship which I wholeheartedly adore and appreciate (no ragrets for the spontaneous email I sent to my boss once upon a time).  Such a funny thing life is, you don't always know what's bound to happen -- you make it happen(if God is willing) and it is usually a surprise, be it good or bad. I like it and I like where I am right now. I am currently drowning in total comfort like a certified couch potato in the TV room while trying...

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Sometimes I am blinded by my own pain and problems to the point where I could not see that others are battling their own as well -- I am sorry for being selfish. I would not say much, I just woke up, but I honestly do hope everyone is keeping their heads above water no matter the roughness of the tide. I am trying to write my first chapter for my hypothetical book with apologies and a sprinkle of optimism. Bright Eyes - Lua is playing delicately on my trusty new headphones that a kind friend of mine...

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Right after the post I did, I felt like painting how I feel. My anxiety is still present inside of me and I am trying my absolute best to let it subside, slowly. Trying to reflect how I feel on a canvas is easier said than done. It took me 4 to 5 hours to complete the piece and since that I am a perfectionist when it comes to painting, I had to do whatever it takes to complete it within a day. Which led to not eating three meals, only drank 5 bottles of water -- all...

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Good morning and peace be upon who ever is reading this now. I hope you are having a marvelous day/night and are in a good place in your life. Hi, I am still here and breathing normally, thank God. There is a lot to catch up on but first things first; I am currently going through one of those episodes where you just... cannot deal with anything without breaking down incessantly. I did something bad and selfish and I apologise to those that were effected by my selfish act. Here's how the story goes -- only a fragment....

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Hello! I know it has been awhile since you've heard from me and I do not know if I should apologize but, I am sorry for the temporary hiatus without any notice. May is here and spring has bloomed! Although the joyfulness won't last very long as I have assignments and exams to look forward to by the end of this month, however, that won't stop me into blabbing about my favourite bands/albums of the week all thanks to the ever-so-lovely, indie soul friend of mine, Shasha. (SHOUT OUT TO YOU GURL. LUV U LONG TIME)  Moving on,...

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Hey guys, I know I haven't been active lately and I deeply apologize -- my life isn't really worth posting about at the moment besides me binge watching Gossip Girl from morning till night time (I plead insanity). On a lighter note to delete the thought of my sad introverted life; I did go out a fair few times to catch up with some old schoolmates and I enjoyed every second! I actually planned to stay in a fancy schmancy hotel tonight but didn't work out as my butt is temporarily glued to the sofa whilst watching last...

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Good afternoon! How are you guys? I hope life is treating you well.  I am going to update something that I have read recently on the internet which triggered something inside me -- I am experiencing a portion of what this woman has experienced and the letter she wrote to her 'future love of her life' is simply amazing.  source: here Dear Future Love of My Life: I know. I should have written before. Forgive me. But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you...

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Hey guys! I am just gonna update the 'song of the week' that has been quite.. a thing in my blog.. apparently. But, as always, it is not really a song that I want to express my love to, it is the WHOLE ALBUM (in this case, two albums from two different musicians/artists). Firstly, I went a little cray over this because I rarely listen to hip hop / rhythm and blues. However, this man whom I have had a crush on since the first time I have watched Community changed that.  I am talking about Donald Glover...

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INGREDIENTS 400g penne pasta 2 tablespoons: olive oil 1/4 cup: unsalted butter, at room temperature  1 chicken breast, sliced into small pieces 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped 1 cup: thickened cream 2/3 cup: grated parmesan cheese 1 handful spinach salt and pepper for taste 1 tablespoon: basil  INSTRUCTIONS Boil penne pasta in water, with 2 drops of olive oil and a pinch of salt. Meanwhile, on a separate pan, heat olive oil over medium heat, add sliced and seasoned chicken breast until cooked. Then proceed into adding the chopped garlic and spinach into pan(make sure you don't overcook the garlic!)...

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Hello lovelies! It is Friday today and I am basically home alone since my parents + brother and sister went on a road trip to Miri, Malaysia. So I decided to take over the kitchen and bake some cookies. I phoned my cousin and nieces to come over and help me out. We did a lot of dancing, singing and baking.. obviously.  The cookies turned out amazing! They are soft, chewy and it literally melted in my mouth on each bite. Anyway, I got the cookie recipe straight from Martha Stewart's website and have no regrets whatsoever for doing...

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