i have two weeks left to spare, and i don't know what else to do. i miss being alone in an empty space where disappointment cease to exist and i was at peace then.
look at me, am i happy? do i smile genuinely? is my laughter the same as before? if you say yes, you don't really see me, do you? why would you, or anyone? i wouldn't too, there's no time for that.
2016 has been a year of tedious self-discovery, which will continue till fate knocks on my door. to be honest, the only good thing about this year was the effort. i do not want to go into deep about it, but it's safe to say i have done much effort than i ever intended or thought i would do. i was happy, at least i thought i was. it could've been deception or perhaps being caught up in the moment -- i don't know.
i sincerely thought coming back here would be nice, y'know? the familiarity, and people... three days in now, i only enjoyed one or two brief moments, but that's it. i did not come back because i want to cherish everything, i... i guess all i wanted was to find a reason to go on.
i am not happy. i am finding multiple reasons to make myself cry because i want to, and i am allowing myself to bawl in hopes that i could be happy again, isn't it how it works? you get sad and after a few trying times, a beacon will guide you to happiness to balance it out, or whatever.
2016;
heart
as my head
frail shoulders
carrying the weight
sunken eyes
blurred by a noun
love...
love...
l o v e.
exhaling fragments of my soul
to intertwine with another
anxiety flutters
where the butterflies once were
should i apologise?
when will our next argument be?
am i enough?
why am i difficult?
he deserves better...
he
deserves
better.
a noun
shattered,
and
moulded me
but
it gave me a reason
to carry on
or something...
i am unsure.
ask me where i am
no,
not physically...
ask me why i cry more when i am here...
ask yourself;
do you feel complete?
or obsolete,
such as i?
2016,
i don't despise you,
but i don't like you either,
i am glad it's nearly over...
thanks anyway.
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