piscespixies

 

I was awakened by an explosion of sound at 4am. Could've sworn I would wake up with a heart attack if that's going to happen any time soon without me knowing beforehand (through lightning). It has been raining -- both outside and inside. You see, I don't really have anything to cry about, there's nothing. Sometimes the human body gets too exhausted because of our daily activities and it needs a break -- I need a break or else I will have a breakdown but I like it, I enjoy it. I love what I am currently doing and the difficulty in this is I actually need a break because my fever has been coming back repeatedly.

A breakdown coming from me is merely as predictable as a shitty pop song that is on top of the billboard charts. Pathetic is what it is -- feeling sorry for myself. I want to shove these bits and pieces of sorrow and self pity 6ft underground without leaving any traces of where I left it -- I don't want to know where I buried my dark side.

In my case, it is bloody terrifying how time is moving fast. Everything's fast these days and I couldn't... I couldn't catch a breath. Running isn't necessarily my forte but I think I have been running all my life. My feet are sore, my legs are numb, my body's aching and my head is on its brink to combust.

Complaints aside, it does have its perks. While running, I have noticed what people haven't, the good and bad. I stayed quiet and hidden, I have observed everything while trying to keep both feet on the ground and from what I have seen; everyone's a hypocrite, a liar yet kind hearted. Now, you would think those don't come hand in hand, I would state why you might be wrong.

Everyone's a hypocrite, it's inevitable, such as death, and getting hurt too. People frequently try extremely hard to be the opposite of who they are. They have a habit to put on this horrifying mask as a repellent when deep down, their hearts are made of gold. The hypocrisy behind this act is they are not being who they truly are but they want others to express their true selves and not be fake. It proves that they are either afraid to show a hint of vulnerability because of the undeniable possibility of people taking advantage of them, or they chose not to. Simple as that. I accept it, however, if you have a heart of gold, you are beautiful and there is nothing to be afraid of.

 As for the connection between being a liar and still kind at heart, white lies are acceptable. It is often compulsory for a person to make up a little white lie for the sake of not hurting someone OR to save one's butt from getting into trouble -- either way, it works. If your intentions are good as well as your mindset, maturity is what keeps you going at this stage. Thorough observation and listening will help you more than you think -- it will change you and the way you articulate your thoughts.

Look, I have no clue what my aim is at this point, my content for this post is equivalent as the messiness of my hair. I am going to end it here but before I do, I hope life is treating you well. If you are hurt or scared, it is okay, it will be okay. Just to let you know, whoever and wherever you are, you are not alone.

Stay kind and have faith. x

I wrote something back in April. It was the 11th week of school and I felt lost.