13:24
20:39
she
20:39Mother used to tell her; Sit straight, smile and look your best. No, not like that Tuck your shirt in Ensure they don’t look like ...
 |
Mother used to tell her;
Sit straight, smile and look your best.
No, not like that
Tuck your shirt in
Ensure they don’t look like second skin
People talk
Their wandering eyes will linger
In times of aging and scrutiny through glass screens
Don’t you dare be yourself,
Don’t you dare wear those slacks and muddy shoes,
Don’t you cut your hair above your ears.
Here,
Taint yourself with shades of deception
Smear it along your opinionated mouth
Because a girl should not do anything but
To look beautiful.
Am I beautiful?
Do I feel beautiful?
She was taught to despise herself
But she made sure to display a façade so someone would love her someday
Because that’s what matters, right?
Sixteen and her eyes were broken taps
Magazine cut outs on the wall were her dreams
But her waistline kept on expanding
And she couldn’t comprehend on what’s happening
She didn’t know that it was not okay to look up to photoshopped beauties
She wasn’t told that high school boys and girls could scar her
She wasn’t told that it was okay to speak up about slut shaming and cyber bullying from immature boys whom she did not reciprocate
She wasn’t told that it was not okay to starve herself because she was still growing
And she wasn’t told that everything will be okay.
Instead, she was told to sit straight, smile and look her best
To tuck her shirt in
Ensure they didn’t look like second skin
Because people did talk
And their wandering eyes lingered.
Twenty and counting
she let go of someone whom she thought was the one
Because he couldn't differentiate between a woman standing up for herself not because it was time of the month
But he was just a boy
And she deserved better.
So, she packed her aspirations, knowledge and independence
And burned the bridges of petty expectations
Because she is worth more than her waistline,
pretty face,
ovaries,
And so do you.
Through glowing screens on the palm of our hands
We were nursed to be
Skinny, pretty, soft, quiet
Manly, athletic, pretty.
“But I don't care whether it's your gender, your looks, your weight, your skin, or where your love lies.
None of that matters because standards don't define you.
You don't live to meet credentials established by a madman,
you're a goddamn treasure whether you wanna believe it or not
and maybe that's what everyone should start looking for.” – Savannah Brown
20:21
it's worth the pain -- racking my brain
20:21finding faces that could replace the sheer image of someone you once cherished empathising plights that shakes...
finding faces that could replace
the sheer image
of someone you once cherished
empathising plights
that shakes you to your core
...
but for her,
it's alright
for her,
it's going to be fine
maybe she didn't love you enough
maybe she was second best
but this feeling never dies
you know it
...
but for her,
it's alright
for her,
it's going to be fine
your love grew silent
you scratch your brain
till blood-drops paint your dusty floor
you're bathing in a red sea
that gravitates to the moon
...
but for her,
it's alright
for her,
it's going to be fine
maybe your first love could be just that
maybe there's someone that can love you
and hold your shaky hands
but this feeling never dies
you know it
...
but for her,
it's alright
for her,
it's going to be fine.
18:46
you
18:46keaton, i'd embrace your fragile bones with the warmth of our shared sun. i'd tether the cosmos nebulas supe...
keaton,
i'd embrace your fragile bones with the warmth of our shared sun.
i'd tether the cosmos
nebulas
supernovas
and wrap them as a gift,
for you,
you deserve the entire universe
as you are part of it.
sweetheart,
you were given to us
like the stars
and moon you sung in verses
with your heart on your sleeve.
God must've spent more time on you
for He created such an otherworldly being
that saved those who are
troubled
and mourning
lonely
and heartbroken
by pouring your celestial mind
like morning coffee that a mere mortal depends on
to keep them going.
keaton,
you don't know how lucky you are.
04:46
an early morning
04:46sleepless by christine wu in an aeroplane over the sea by neutral milk hotel 04 21 on a rainy monday. my body seems to have a mind o...
 |
| sleepless by christine wu |
in an aeroplane over the sea by neutral milk hotel
04 21 on a rainy monday. my body seems to have a mind of its own without the brain knowing, how can that be? there's a lingering itch of thought that i need to scratch so it can disappear for eternity; i am indifferent. that's not technically news because i am like anyone else. it's possible to be different in certain aspects, however, it is close to impossible to be completely out of the ordinary... unless you're bowie or smokey.
i haven't been sleeping well. often times, i do, but without dreams. sometimes i do have dreams, but my body is filled with this vast adrenaline for no plausible reason and wakes up at 3 32am on the dot. i don't want to put much thought into though.
04 30 poetry
resentment recedes
like a waltz
in threes
one's ego
is a figment
of mind games
rat-a-tat-tat
a knock on the head
i lie awake
eyes wide open
glaring
over the solemn street light
shaped like an orange
from my foggy window
white noise
clear vision
unfiltered thoughts
old enough to be wise
wise enough to grow
grown enough to apperceive
i shall not crave
for another's nails
to scratch my head
just because mine
are absent.
16:30
up in the air, 2017
16:30if you were to ask me few years ago if i’ll be able to get out of the rabbit hole and slowly learn what it means to live life ...
if you were to ask me
few years ago
if i’ll be able
to get out of the rabbit hole
and slowly learn what it means to live life
and achieve my dreams,
i would laugh in disbelief.
once a girl who depended on
people’s acceptance and validation
has shape shifted into this stranger
whose intention is merely a pursuit of happiness.
here i am
up in the air
a dreamer and curious being
with fear of heights
however,
my worries evaporate
every single time the sky is in arm’s reach
it feels like i’m flying
i know i am
and whatever that holds me back
cease to exist.
i never thought i’d make it
i never stop doubting myself either
but i kept on trying…
i am well aware how life can be
how anger, sadness or loneliness
can eat you alive and leave you numb…
but
the crooked photographs on my wall
remind me i’m loved
the stacked books and journals of inspirations and heartbreaks
my entire world within a mediocre device
have helped me.
this is my home now,
and i've made it.
14:24
a momentary relapse
14:24take a deep breath count to five repeat it's all in your head you are in full control no matter what they say your soul is n...
take a deep breath
count to five
repeat
it's all in your head
you are in full control
no matter what they say
your soul is not tainted
your brain is not damaged
your heart is not dying
you are not decaying
you do not owe your life to anyone
my body may be a cage
trapping a curious being
from falling into the rabbit hole
again
and again
but there are no barcodes
nor scans that could validate
my worth
debts
and the price i have to pay
for something that won't last
after years
with eyes closed
i have succumbed
to the reality
with eyes open
i am my own guardian angel
___________________________________________________________
The first two verses were from my therapists, i remember them vividly after a year has passed.
i'm quite alright now, better than before, which is nice.
06:29
the disintegration of a solemn mind
06:29source 5 a.m Do I look okay Do my eyes still sparkle like supernovas explosions of kaleidoscope taunting the wea...
 |
| source |
5 a.m
Do I look okay
Do my eyes still sparkle
like supernovas
explosions of kaleidoscope
taunting the weak
are they not bleak
Do you notice the lines
Darkness embedded below
Does my touch burn
like hours under le soleil
didn't your mother tell you
didn't your mother tell you
it's not good without sunscreen
but
you adore the idea
you adore the idea
of a sun kissed skin
Am I losing sleep
can you tell by the untamed hair
no
it's not a style
Have my pillows lost their purpose
they're nothing more than memory foams
because lately
recollections of yesteryear amplified
as I lay
oh dear...
what am I saying
I'm shriveling
like a crumpled piece of paper in the corner
filled with a medley of uncertainties
and contradictions
Why does my mouth taste bitter
as I bit life's generosity
maybe
sugarcoating is preferred
it'd be like sipping on a lemonade
as I recite these words
Am I turning to dust
disintegrating into a thin matter
such as the mail
waiting...
waiting...
oh
but for now
let me shut these eyes
and dip into a golden slumber
someday...
one day...
I will sing you a lullaby.
18:07
thoughts in the coffee shop
18:07source sweaty palms in a gelid atmosphere acceleration of solemn heartbeats emaciated arteries begging to snap reminiscing old tunes...
 |
| source |
sweaty palms in a gelid atmosphere
acceleration of solemn heartbeats
emaciated arteries begging to snap
reminiscing old tunes
what once was
how life changed
those you have loved
missed and hurt
patience you have tested
empty promises
and the sweet nothings.
oh, enigmatic blue moon girl
stop
we are all victims of regret
sorrow and loneliness
this is how we grow
aloneness shouldn't be sad
it is invigorating
a pathway to maturity
supposedly.
lift your ponderous crown
unveil the mask you've polished
there's no use in hiding anymore
the universe is yours.
___________________________________________________________
oh, i am merely human, as to you.
today, memories of last year came like whiplash. apologetic thoughts revolving and no cup of tea could cure this. with the memories that changed my life in 2015 residing in this puny brain of mine , i am sincerely sorry for those whom i have disappointed, hurt or left like a rabid dog -- no matter how much time has passed, i cannot thank you enough for the things each of you have taught me. now, i thank you once again, thank you for accepting me completely once in a blue moon, being there in the hospital ward, telling me not to lose composure, teaching me facts of the real world, believing in my goals... and lastly, thanks for considering me as a muse, it was fun and i know it can never happen again (i'm a bit choked up, oh geez). i suppose this is what they meant on people coming and go and it's a bitter-sweet journey, no doubt about it because i have lost those who inspired me in various notions but life happens and sometimes you can't control it or change their perceptions.
today, memories of last year came like whiplash. apologetic thoughts revolving and no cup of tea could cure this. with the memories that changed my life in 2015 residing in this puny brain of mine , i am sincerely sorry for those whom i have disappointed, hurt or left like a rabid dog -- no matter how much time has passed, i cannot thank you enough for the things each of you have taught me. now, i thank you once again, thank you for accepting me completely once in a blue moon, being there in the hospital ward, telling me not to lose composure, teaching me facts of the real world, believing in my goals... and lastly, thanks for considering me as a muse, it was fun and i know it can never happen again (i'm a bit choked up, oh geez). i suppose this is what they meant on people coming and go and it's a bitter-sweet journey, no doubt about it because i have lost those who inspired me in various notions but life happens and sometimes you can't control it or change their perceptions.
it was a privilege to have shared a fragment of this borrowed time with you.
thank you for sharing yours with a person such as i.
thank you for sharing yours with a person such as i.
20:49
The Pursuit of Happiness [III]
20:49Unforgiven by Beck Down on the street Just let the engine run 'Til there's nothing left Except the damage done Beck...
Unforgiven by Beck
Down on the street
Just let the engine run
'Til there's nothing left
Except the damage done
Beck's Morning Phase is on my top 10 favourite albums of all time. There is something about the ethereal ambience that transports me to some place better than reality every time I listen to tracks like Unforgiven, Wave or Morning -- for once, I feel at peace. I would say it has a similar affect on me like Bon Iver's Holocene, Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and Gregory Alan Isakov's Amsterdam. It is quite a complex feeling to unravel, at least for my part but it is there y'know? Surely you've encountered a song that made you go "oh wow!" with a slight of warmth flowing through your body and soul. Yeah...
I woke up at 10 today with a heavy chest. If I calculate it correctly, I had 11 hours of sleep in total and that only happens when I'm a bit off. My back is resting on the headboard of my bed and I am writing this in the dark even if it is 11 30am now (I always have my curtains closed) -- I wonder if I have changed or at least become a better person. I wonder if my parents are proud of me and whether they miss me as much as I miss them. I wonder once I start wondering about the wonders my brain might explode if I don't stop.
So,
stop wondering.
I
c
a
n
't.
Maybe tomorrow?
But,
I always say that
and you know me
because
you
ARE
me.
Have you ever heard the trembling voices of Conor Oberst, Thom Yorke, Keaton Hanson, Damien Rice, Elliott Smith, Matthew Houck (Phosphorescent)...? If I were to interpret the sounds of my soul, it'd be just that. Trembling vulnerability plucked by each note of whispers, laughter, stares, passing glances.
Lines,
spaces I have yet to fill.
Lies,
words that I used to conceal.
Books,
left untouched,
covered in dust.
Hands,
shivering,
covered by mere fabric.
Hair,
unkempt,
they know what I'm thinking.
Eyes,
half closed.
Lips,
chapped,
but that's okay.
Soul,
warm,
crippled within time,
pure but disheveled.
I woke up at 10 today with a heavy chest. If I calculate it correctly, I had 11 hours of sleep in total and that only happens when I'm a bit off. My back is resting on the headboard of my bed and I am writing this in the dark even if it is 11 30am now (I always have my curtains closed) -- I wonder if I have changed or at least become a better person. I wonder if my parents are proud of me and whether they miss me as much as I miss them. I wonder once I start wondering about the wonders my brain might explode if I don't stop.
So,
stop wondering.
I
c
a
n
't.
Maybe tomorrow?
But,
I always say that
and you know me
because
you
ARE
me.
Have you ever heard the trembling voices of Conor Oberst, Thom Yorke, Keaton Hanson, Damien Rice, Elliott Smith, Matthew Houck (Phosphorescent)...? If I were to interpret the sounds of my soul, it'd be just that. Trembling vulnerability plucked by each note of whispers, laughter, stares, passing glances.
Lines,
spaces I have yet to fill.
Lies,
words that I used to conceal.
Books,
left untouched,
covered in dust.
Hands,
shivering,
covered by mere fabric.
Hair,
unkempt,
they know what I'm thinking.
Eyes,
half closed.
Lips,
chapped,
but that's okay.
Soul,
warm,
crippled within time,
pure but disheveled.
Trapped... Trapped.
Roll down the window, I am suffocating. This place, it is treacherous.
Let me fly,
let me.
Lines,
spaces I have yet to find.
Lies,
words of dispute.
Books,
wrinkled covers,
bookmarked.
Hands,
warm by touch.
Hair,
brushed,
and longer.
Eyes,
opened.
Lips,
red,
sometimes burgundy.
Soul,
warm,
crippled within time,
pure but still learning.
23:57
23:57
[Me - The 1975] I took one I promised I won't do the same I can't hurt myself or you'll go insane Used to h...
[Me - The 1975]
I took one
I promised I won't do the same
I can't hurt myself
or you'll go insane
Used to have it my way
a quest for freedom
in a big field with gates around
but there's no such thing as a freeman
when I heard that sound
Please take me as I am
this is what it is
I am made of collections
Ones covered in dust
Try to find your favourite
and tell me how it goes
My soul are the lyrics to melancholy songs
Empathy could've been worse
though sympathy is endless
but I don't want that
Continuous travels along familiar roads
Sips of coffee that tastes as bitter as your memory
Looking at you triggers an inner phobia
One that I had not recognised
Please don't make me lose my mind
because every time I go
it's like deja vu, an instant rewind
Some nights are difficult
I hate our goodbyes
The thin line between;
I will see you tomorrow
and
nothing at all
It kills me
Ask me what hurts the most...
When the silence is too loud
and our insides are breaking down
but nothing.
nothing.
I have nothing but self loath.
I was thinking about killing myself, don't you mind?
13:32
2nd Day of Sanity
13:32Two days of third wheeling my lovey-dovey friends at a local cafe have been kind of therapeutic. I asked for one word to start off my poem s...
Two days of third wheeling my lovey-dovey friends at a local cafe have been kind of therapeutic. I asked for one word to start off my poem since I need to restart everything again -- it has been too long since I have last written anything that rhymed nor significant.
Waves
2am thoughts linger
like how the foam of the sea attaches itself onto the rocks
It travels in wavelength
from where I stood towards the horizon
The eternal uncertainty of revelations
made this fragile soul unwary
But does it, r e a l l y?
Posters on walls
relieve me from reality
Tangled fairy lights
distraught my sensibility
I wonder at night
if you love me
Do you, r e a l l y?
My emotions come in like w a v e s
when the full moon is at her peak
and magnify the tides
A tsunami drowning me into the abyss
You said you would save me
But will you, r e a l l y?
21:13
Omen
21:13[Watching The Storm - U137] To me, love is an omen. Good or evil -- but evil seems more suitable based on my past experiences...
[Watching The Storm - U137]
To me,
love is an omen.
Good or evil --
but evil seems more suitable
based on my past experiences.
Blessed with a curious mind,
and the ability to charm.
Cursed with not knowing how to love,
being highly emotional
and my impracticality.
Flaws
combined with dark thoughts
cloud my sense of perseverance.
It's okay.
I don't know where this is heading,
but loving one's self
is more liberating
than loving another.
I love myself enough,
to know what I deserve.
Do you?
09:34
live and let live
09:34[Nothing Arrived - Villagers] Broken Lights & Snapping Knees There are things you can't see but glimmers in the night sky...
[Nothing Arrived - Villagers]
Broken Lights & Snapping Knees
There are things you can't see
but glimmers in the night sky
From places;
beyond where we stand,
beyond this location
tells us that it exists
Broken lights
with broken hearts
linger in uncut grass
makes this place look cultural
Twisted ankles
and falling
Gravity doesn't fool people like us
Pull yourself together
We can be infinite
in time
and time will tell
Questions unanswered
we wander off
to not be bothered
You think you know what we are
You shaped us
to being something we aren't
The sky is the limit
and that's where dreams exist
Young blood gallivanting
never-ending quest
of self discovery
Our feet will give in
but our souls won't go weary
This is what we live for
This is what life should be.
________________________________________________________________________
a spontaneous poem written by yours truly and M,Y while hanging out at the skatepark around 9pm with our friends.
09:07
Quite Alright
09:07[Hiding Tonight - Alex Turner] I I am constructed by a cosmic dust, the leftovers of the Big Bang. I am the constellation of...
[Hiding Tonight - Alex Turner]
I
I am constructed by a cosmic dust,
the leftovers of the Big Bang.
I am the constellation of things you want to put away,
the bitter memories you had of me,
you couldn't wait.
I am the moon hiding behind the dark clouds,
petrified by the pass of daylight,
petrified by the pass of daylight,
but still willing to brighten up the night.
I am a universal mess,
whatever you are,
wherever you may be,
your mess is mine.
07:50
Looking for The White Rabbit
07:50Rabbit Hole "I am Alice. I have been walking aimlessly in search of happiness and love, possibly freedom as well. I came across th...
Rabbit Hole
"I am Alice. I have been walking aimlessly in search of happiness and love, possibly freedom as well. I came across this enchanting rabbit whose fur is as pale as my skin. He is very persuasive, manipulative too, He told me he could fulfill my wishes if I would join him for an exciting adventure. He promised he will show the colours in the world.
I was invited to his universe, oh how beautiful it was. I had fun, I did. But lately, I am always left alone and lost in the rabbit hole."
The rabbit is every person that was in my life, not just one. The rabbit also includes my own demon.
21:36
Once Upon a Shangri-La
21:36Blue Moon Girl "I am scared... I am terrified," she said repeatedly. "It feels like I am staying still in the big ocean...
Blue Moon Girl
"I am scared... I am terrified," she said repeatedly.
"It feels like I am staying still in the big ocean, letting the huge tide take over and swallow me whole."
"It feels like I am staying still in the big ocean, letting the huge tide take over and swallow me whole."
"Everyday, I have the need to carry this heavy weight on my shoulders and chest even if I know the other person doesn't feel the same way as I do... Everyday.
What am I doing to myself?
These imaginary bricks are stacking day by day and they are getting heavier -- I am in pain, can't you see it?
Help me... Help me."
She who needs the most care takes care of everyone but herself
-- it's kind of a funny yet sad story to tell.
She is fragile yet strong,
and you find that endearing.
Her innocence is addictive,
however, it is her dark side that made you hold onto her.
She is real and you appreciate every honesty she has given to you.
But, she is self-destructive,
cannot afford to be alone or express any affection.
Nonetheless,
she needs you,
all of you,
every single day.
Though someday she will leave,
know that her intentions were good.
Leaving a mark is part of her,
making sure that the mark is caused by something extraordinary is her gift.
She will go all out in order to make sure the light that left you comes back.
Her spontaneity has caused you to experience many great things in life -- things that you have never thought you could do.
Her spontaneity has caused you to experience many great things in life -- things that you have never thought you could do.
Appreciate the very existence of this being,
because she will only appear once in your life.
____________________________________________________________________________
this post varies on every person who decides to read it, it depends on who came to mind while doing so. Who is your Blue Moon Girl?
14:32
1/3 of The Poems I Wrote Yesterday
14:32Garden / ˈɡɑːd(ə)n / Flowers from the past bloomed as he passed by. I forgot what you said, but I remember how you made me feel. ...
Garden
/ˈɡɑːd(ə)n/
/ˈɡɑːd(ə)n/
Flowers from the past
bloomed as he passed by.
I forgot what you said,
but I remember how you made me feel.
I forgot what you said,
but I remember how you made me feel.
The flowers wilted,
you didn’t take good care of them.
You left me,
dried and unattended.
you didn’t take good care of them.
You left me,
dried and unattended.
“I
hate you, I hate you, I hate you” I said
hand on my chest,
coping with the pain.
“I love you, I love you… I loved you” was my intention
because you made the garden,
you made the flowers grow,
and you put colours in my life,
even if you had to go.
hand on my chest,
coping with the pain.
“I love you, I love you… I loved you” was my intention
because you made the garden,
you made the flowers grow,
and you put colours in my life,
even if you had to go.
09:42
W.
09:42[Honey, It's Alright - Gregory Alan Isakov] I cannot explain the words to you, but it feels right. It has been a tedious drive ...
[Honey, It's Alright - Gregory Alan Isakov]
I cannot explain the words to you,
but it feels right.
It has been a tedious drive to get to where I am now,
where we are.
A month is long enough for you to know who I truly am,
is it good enough to know who you are?
A month of laughter, patience, lust, arguments and jealousy.
How do you see me now?
I am growing old,
am I still the same?
What do I see in you?
I see myself.
I see myself.
Bad past written all over the walls in the present
despite the changes we have tried to make.
It haunts us.
Don't be too afraid
don't be too concerned.
Words of rumours come from empty minded souls.
Caged in their own body;
no where to go,
nothing significant to talk about.
Immaturity comes naturally for them
and it is difficult to let go.
I am glad we aren't the same as the mindless beings of the world.
I know you are all I got,
you know it's got to feel right.
19:28
Take Off Your Mask
19:28[Robbers - The 1975] Whispers in my head told you to stay, stay. Strangers in the dark coexisted, funny how life works. Beau...
[Robbers - The 1975]
Whispers in my head told you to stay,
stay.
Strangers in the dark coexisted,
funny how life works.
Beautiful brains like yours belong somewhere extravagant,
exhilarating yet familiar.
Constant cravings for something intense and passionate.
You let your words out without any hesitation and it is admirable.
It doesn't have to end now unless you let it.
Cowardly actions are despised by people like me,
but who am I to say when I myself am a cowardly lioness.
Time chases you despite how fast you run,
it is okay to stay still.
Breathe
Revolving around bad timings,
I never knew what luck is til I let myself appreciate the little things.
Be kind and patient.
Always
I hope my kindness affected someone,
I hope I was worth your time.
Though I might leave for now,
we will see each other when it is right.
God has better plans, and I trust him wholeheartedly.
I hope you do too.
