server by dead sullivan

my surroundings are in monochromatic moods that contain cinematic values. as i put on my headphones simultaneously, colours begin to spread out in heavenly hues and things make total sense.

i am in the 'study room' right now, and there are collections of folders across the table in dusty shelves -- how long have they been there? i remember when we used to have a keyboard in this very room, my cousins and i would blast Red River Valley and sing along while reading out the lyrics from a song book. in addition, the very space behind me used to be where i built forts and conquered a land or was isolated in an island, my imaginations ran wild and free -- everything used to be colourful.

now, i live in black and white. an overused quote from belle and sebastian's the boy with the arab strap "colour my life with the chaos of trouble" is somewhat equitable, but it sounds rather masochistic. i still see colours according to the measures, rhythms, melodies and words of a song and in the eyes of someone i love. consequently, it has made me appreciative because of its once in a blue moon rarity.

if you ask me what colours i see right now; i see a gradient of ocean blue and a hint of the tangerine sun. perhaps it is similar to charlie's (perks of being a wallflower) contrasting emotions; "i am both happy and sad at the same time and i'm still trying to figure out how that could be." 

p.s: there's a video on youtube by boy scouts called 'did you see me cry.' in the comment section, there's a thread discussing about why one finds peace in sad things, and what caught my eye is a response from maicol vaughn; "maybe we find peace in sad things because at least we know its an honest feeling, not like that fake happiness thats wears off." it kind of hits close to home.